Letting Go

Submitted by unheavenlyhegemony on Mon, 2006-10-09 09:44. Forgiveness

Taking a break from writing a long-overdue report, I wandered around familiar spots in my own space at cyberpark. Chats saved, blogs written by some people whose paths I’ve come to intersect either online or offline, emails that are either worth-reading again or trashbin-saving. There are those whose friendships mean so much to me because I’ve known them for a decade or two. And there are those whose friendships I now treasure simply because they are present when I need emotional support even if I’ve only known them for a couple of years or even for only a month.

I’ve made good and bad choices in life - as what I’ve mentioned in my profile. I’m not different from everyone else. I can be too hard on myself sometimes…Nah…most of the time…And I do have regrets that only self-forgiveness could help me overcome and appreciate the fact that I’m only human - a perfectly imperfect creature who just happens to have feelings and thoughts that enable me to ponder about what’s going on in this “gift” called life and what I can do with it…and how I could go beyond the narrowness of my existence.

I am glad for the joys brought by people I’ve met and known somehow, yet I feel sorry for the pains that either I caused them to bear or they have given me. Some leave in silence, while others remember to say goodbye or drop a last note. When these moments happen, the only way left for me to tread is to simply let them go.

It’s not easy to let go of a dear friend or somebody I’ve chosen to hold special. I spend so much time reflecting about what has gone wrong and why the whole drama had to unfold the way it did. And as what I’ve expressed in a previous blog - “Why do some people stay even if you want them to go away? Why do some people leave even if you want them to stay?” And just like what that simple prayer about wisdom goes, it takes serenity to accept the things we cannot change…and the courage to just let go and move on.

As I am writing this piece, my heart and mind tell me to do what I should have done long ago because the whole process of holding on to what has been non-existent for some time now is debilitating my growth as a person. Friends do come and go. People leave when they want to or because of something else. All I have to do is be thankful for the wonderful times I’ve had with them - both virtually and in real life. I am grateful for the trust and openness - however minimal or short-term - that they have allowed me to experience with them. I’ve learned so much from the hurts. And I take these lessons with me as I go through my journey. I will continue to nurture my enduring bonds with those whom I do not need to ask if they still want me as a friend - and I would also embrace those whom I have not met yet but would want me to be part of their support system for years to come.

After this, I will stop communicating with people whom my heart and mind tell me to finally let go. Delete the mementos that have hindered me from setting myself free from the chains that I, myself, have made for them to imprison me. If they come back or remember me as I’ve been doing to them for the past years or months, I’d welcome them because thoughtfulness counts a lot for me. Otherwise, I will think of them with kindness - and stop being regretful for the tears I have shed because of them.

The way to forgive others is by forgiving myself. And one way to do so is by simply unleashing the cradle of memories I’ve held for my “used-to-be” friends.